Smiling
by TARRANT HiTOPP
Summary: Tarrant hasn't smiled sence Alice left, now the pain has proved toomuch and he needs to make it stop. Will Alice save him from himself in time? light touch of suicide. AlicexHatter 150% Oneshot


**I know I should be working on my other stories, but this is just a quicky to help me get over writers block. :( Yes. I have writers block. give me time to recover and enjoy this little oneshot I present you with as a gift basket to say i'm sorry. :(**

where I used to smile and laugh everyday sometimes all day even. But that was before my family died. Long before Alice left. I could have easily have remembered the last time I smiled, it had been burned in my brain after all those many years that went by. I had been forcing myself to smile as Alice left, but with her also went my ability to make the corners of my mouth turn upwards. How long had I gone without laughing or grinning at all you may ask? What is more important, how long had it been in my world sense Alice disappeared? Exactly five years, seven months, twenty-three days, ten minutes, and three point eleven-seconds. Honestly though, who's really counting?... To tell the truth, I was.

I sat in my workroom for weeks at a time, just counting the seconds until she'd come back and help me get myself to live again. When she didn't come, I'd start to wonder if she was at the tea table looking for me, so I'd rush there to find no Alice. I didn't ever really expect to find her, I just felt like I'd have to or I'd explode. So I'd wait there through freezing rain and boiling rain, scorching heat and winds with chills lower than physically endurable, but yet I did it. Then, I'd wonder if she'd gone strait to Mamorial, and I'd rush back there to find exactly what I'd expect to find. A concerned Queen and no Alice.

The queen took my condition well at first, figuring that I would come out of it eventually, the same way I'd recovered from my family's death. Soon though, it became apparent that I was only becoming worse as the days went by. Then, she kept me on a shorter leash than the Bandarsnach. I wasn't really supposed to go anywhere off the castle grounds, but I knew that I was untouchable when at Thackery's house. It was a magic spell placed by the White Queen herself to make it impossible for anyone to remove, Mally, Thackery, or me from the area without their consent. It was what kept the Underland Underground Resistance safe all through the rein of the bluddy behg hed. Now, she regretted the spell entirely.

If it weren't for Mirana, I would probably have starved to death. I refused to eat or drink tea or even sleep unless I was forced. That is exactly what Mirana did. She'd bring me breakfast every day I was at the castle, and when I didn't feel like protesting she'd make me eat and drink with her, and if I didn't eat, she'd sit and watch me until I did. I couldn't ask her to leave anyway because after all, it is her castle. I knew she slipped a sleeping drought into my tea, which would make me fall asleep in the middle of my sulking, and awake days later. She had been mixing concoctions to help me forget (bless the kind woman), and she'd even tried to wipe my memory clean of Alice forever. It never worked though. For some odd reason, we have this kind of bond that makes it impossible for me to forget the careless girl that crushed my heart into a fine powder, and then incinerated the remains.

One morning I swore I could hear her voice as I sat in my chair at the tea table. She was calling for help. I looked for her for hours until Mctwisp came and found me head first searching a bush of prickly brambles. He had asked what I was looking for and I ripped my head out of the bush.

"Looking for Alice of corse! She's in trouble! I can hear her calling for help! Listen!" We listened for a long moment until I heard it again. "See? I told you I heard her. Quickly help me find her!" He watched me for a long while with eyes full of sympathy. "What are you waiting for? If your not going to help me look you could at least go alert the queen!" he was silent, and then he slowly turned.

"I will." He sighed, and disappeared into the direction of Mamorial. Mirana arrived soon after and explained to me that it was just a figment of my imagination, and that Alice wasn't really there. Then I cried. It was a cowardly thing to do in the presence of my queen, but I could take it no longer. I returned to Mamorial with the queen, and she walked with me instead of riding her horse. I was sinking into the depths of utter madness. I wasn't really sinking though, I was plummeting. It was getting darker and foggier and more depressing the faster I fell.

I spent the last ten months of my depression in the attentive care of Mirana. I tried my best to be cheerful, but it was a failure, and I was only making myself more depressed. All the events that had happened so far left me thinking thoughts of suicide. I contemplated the the thought for a long time and eventually, I went to Mirana and asked her to put me to sleep. Permanently. She had instantly refused and I had pled my case further. Each time, I could tell she was understanding better. She was beginning to give in when suddenly, The doors to her thrown room burst open. I turned to the interrupter, and found it was another one of my delusions. Alice stood in the doorway, beautiful as ever. I turned back to the queen slowly.

" I'm seein' 'er every where! I don' know w'at ta' do wi'f meself anymore! An' all me sulkin' aroun' is just torturous on every one else. Please jus' kill me an' get it over with. T'is is just ta' muc' ta bear any longer." I pleaded. Unfortunately my delusion was not going to be ignored easily. She ran forward, having heard my conversations and protested. Of corse she would. After all, delusions were made by the mind for the soul purpose of making us suffer.

"What? Hatter I leave for a little while after I promise to return and you go around asking royalty to kill you? Oh this is all my fault. Can you ever forgive me? I shouldn't have left you here alone…. Please stop ignoring me!…. Can you even seem me or am I just dreaming about what's happening and I'll wake up to find there's nothing I can do?…. Please say something!" She was screaming right next to me and Mirana was actually staring dumbstruck at where she was standing. I was going to get rid of this murderously meddlesome memory. (Not even finding these three M words cheered me up)

"JUS LEAVE MA' ALONE! Yer' naut real! Yer jus' from me' own mind! Now get outta' here!" I had thrashed my hand out to get rid of the illusion. On the common occasion the object would disappear right before I made contact, but something was different about that imaginary presence. The back of my hand half-heartily shoved her middle, and it actually made contact with her laced dress and I had been able to clearly feel the firmness of her frail form (Four new f words. Oh! Four! there's another! Five F words! Oh! Five! Another one! Six F words! Oh! Six- wait. Never mind).

I tuned to her and gently touched her middle again. Why wouldn't it disappear? Why did it feel so real? Why was I doing this to Alice? I brought my bandaged hand up to her cheek and gently stroked it. A look of realization crossed my face and a grin broke hers. Without thinking a single thought, I lifted her into the air and spun her around. I let her down and hugged her tightly. I was sub-concisely stroking her hair and I found myself crying tears of joy. I ignored the queen when she told me to let her go. I ignored Alice when she told her that it was ok, and that she was okay with my embrace. And I ignored the whole world as I hugged Alice, and she hugged me back. Eventually, we both pulled away and looked each other in the eyes. She had tears in her eyes just as I did. Mirana didn't say a word, but watched with an all-knowing smile. She was back. My Alice was back. We leaned into each other again, only in a madly different way. And that is how Alice and I had our first kiss.

**AWWWWWWWWW! :D I loved the ending didn't you? If so please let me know. even flames are welcome! ;D **

**-TARRANT HiTOPP**


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